Quick Start Guide

Here are some tips for better Communication and better Relationship Building: 

1. Try being the first in an argument. - why not making the first concession? Do you want to be right or do you want to better understand your partner and have a more loving relationship? By being the first you can derail an argument and open up dialogue! 

2. Be firm but also be flexible and receptive.- It is ok to be firm about getting your needs met, but try and be a bit more flexible in the route taken or how they are met. It can be very helpful in being receptive to creative new ways or methods to get your needs met. 

3. Share and Celebrate your successes- Talk about what works and ways you have found great solutions in the past and celebrate them!! 

4. Don't accidentally push your partner out of the relationship- Explosions NEVER hold anything together. Try not to overpower your partner with rage or questions. Be careful with impulsive behaviors or ultimatums that you are not prepared to follow through on. You could be sabotaging your relationship and forcing your partner to follow through on your threats just to save face. 

5. Don't argue with your partner's feelings- They are what they are and they need to be respected and identified. You can't talk someone out of feeling what they feel. 

6. You can't change history- Acknowledge it and its effect on your relationship but to dwell on it keeps you stuck in a cycle of negativity and pain. Try and learn from history and move towards a future of healthiness, productivity, respect and shared commitment. 

7. Don't argue with you partner telling them that they are wrong. This is their reality and it needs to be respected whether you agree or not. 

8. Don't make assumptions- You may be fighting a battle that you don't need to or creating a battle that never existed in the first place. 

9. Don't stay stuck in ways of reacting that don't work.- Ask questions, listen, be observant, openly discuss in a loving and supportive manner and get CREATIVE!! Find new ways that more effective and successful. 

10. Begging and Pleading don't work. - Stop trying to manipulate a situation and start trying to productively participate in a situation so you can both feel heard and loved and reassured that you are committed to working on your relationship.

"Helping to turn the pain of two into the joy of one.. .."

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