Helpful Ideas to Lift Depression Without Using Medications. - September 2018

Being depressed can make you feel helpless. You're not. Along with therapy and sometimes medication, there's a lot you can do on your own to fight back. Changing your behavior -- your level of physical activity, lifestyle, and even your way of thinking -- are all natural ways to combat depression.

These tips can help you feel better -- starting right now.

1. Get in a routine. If you’re depressed, you need a routine.

Depression can strip away the structure from your life. One day melts into the next. Setting a gentle daily schedule can help you get back on track.

2 .Try setting goals. When you're depressed, you may feel like you can't accomplish anything. That makes you feel worse about yourself. To push back, set daily goals for yourself.

3. Add exercise to your life. It temporarily boosts feel-good chemicals called endorphins. It may also have long-term benefits for people with depression. Regular exercise seems to encourage the Brain rewire itself in positive ways.

How much exercise do you need? You don’t need to run marathons to get a benefit. Just walking a few times a week can help.

4. Eat healthy. There is no magic diet that fixes depression. It's a good idea to watch what you eat, though. If depression tends to make you overeat, getting in control of your eating will help you feel better.

Although nothing is definitive, There's evidence that foods with omega-3 fatty acids (such as salmon and tuna) and folic acid (such as spinach and avocado) could help ease depression.

5. Get adequate Sleep Depression can make it hard to get enough shut-eye, and too little sleep can make depression worse.

What can you do? Start by making some changes to your lifestyle. Go to bed and get up at the same time every day. Try not to nap. Take all the distractions out of your bedroom -- no computer and no TV. In time, you may find your sleep improves.

6. Take on responsibilities. When you’re depressed, you may want to pull back from life and give up your responsibilities at home and at work. Don't. Staying involved and having daily responsibilities can help you maintain a lifestyle that can help counter depression. They ground you and give you a sense of accomplishment.

If you're not up to full-time school or work, that’s fine. Think about part-time. If that seems like too much, consider volunteer work.

7. Challenge negative thoughts. In your fight against depression, a lot of the work is mental -- changing how you think. When you're depressed, you leap to the worst possible conclusions.

The next time you're feeling terrible about yourself, use logic as a natural depression treatment. You might feel like no one likes you, but is there real evidence for that? You might feel like the most worthless person on the planet, but is that really likely? It takes practice, but in time you can beat back those negative thoughts before they get out of control.

8. Check with your doctor before using supplements. "There's promising evidence for certain supplements for depression.Those include fish oil, folic acid, and SAMe. But more research needs to be done before we'll know for sure. Always check with your doctor before starting any supplement, especially if you’re already taking medications.

9. Do something new. When you’re depressed, you’re in a rut. Push yourself to do something different. Go to a museum. Pick up a used book and read it on a park bench. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Take a language class.

"When we challenge ourselves to do something different, there are chemical changes in the brain. Trying something new alters the levels of the brain chemical called dopamine, which is associated with pleasure, enjoyment, and learning."

10. Try to have fun. If you’re depressed, make time for things you enjoy. What if nothing seems fun anymore? That's just a symptom of depression. You have to keep trying anyway.

October 2018

Here Are 10 Ways to Build Trust in a Relationship:

Earn It

Don’t assume trust exists and always be working to earn it. When we stop taking trust for granted and make it a priority, we will be conscious of our actions and the perceptions of those actions to our partner.

Keep Your Promises

It makes sense that we want to keep promises we make to our partner, but often the little things get overlooked. Make keeping your promises about little things as important as keeping your promises about the big things. Call when you are late, remember to pick up that item from the grocery store and remember to pay the bills on time. While these things may seem small, they go a long way towards building trust.

Keep Secrets

Do not keep secrets from each other, instead keep them for each other . Keep your personal conversations at home. It is only right to talk about something once you hear your partner bring the subject up in a conversation. Also realize, he might share information only with certain people. It’s his story, so let him tell it and follow his lead.

Communicate Openly and In Person

Make it a rule that most communication, especially important subject matter, must happen in person. The true meaning of a message can get lost via text, email and sometimes even on the phone. Make sure you are both heard and understood by talking face to face.

Don’t Judge

You might not understand why something is important to your partner, but the fact that it is important is all that matters. Before you can trust, you must respect each other and your differences without judgment.

Become Vulnerable

Be real with your partner and that means sharing things that you often keep hidden. The ultimate sign of trust is living your truth and by doing so your partner will be more comfortable living theirs.

Be Forgiving

Trusting doesn’t mean mistakes won’t happen and when they do be forgiving. Holding on to past transgressions will only erode the trust in the relationship. We should feel the ability to make mistakes and so should our partners, without it being a constant source of contention. Letting go of the hurt, accepting the apology and moving on builds a trust based on truth and love.

Work on Your Personal Growth

We are better people and better in our relationships when we take the time to work on our personal growth. It’s important in any relationship for the people in it to grow as a couple and as individuals. It’s a focus on our personal growth that keeps the relationship solid and the trust in each other growing.

Be Supportive

It is important in any relationship to be supportive of the other person. It is even more important to show that support when we are in a stage of building trust. If one person in the relationship doesn’t feel that they can take a risk, make mistakes or try new things without support, the relationship will falter. On the other hand, being supportive in good times and bad opens us up to living our truth knowing someone has our back.

Disagree in Private

A public forum is never a place to voice a disagreement. If what your partner is saying doesn’t sit well with you, discuss it at home. Often disagreeing in front of other people can shame or humiliate the other person. This kind of behavior will damage your lines of communication and your trust factor. Waiting until you get home offers the benefit of formulating your thoughts in a respectful way to encourage an honest and open discussion.

Keep Your Promises

It makes sense that we want to keep promises we make to our partner, but often the little things get overlooked. Make keeping your promises about little things as important as keeping your promises about the big things. Call when you are late, remember to pick up that item from the grocery store and remember to pay the bills on time. While these things may seem small, they go a long way towards building trust.

Keep Secrets

Do not keep secrets from each other, instead keep them for each other . Keep your personal conversations at home. It is only right to talk about something once you hear your partner bring the subject up in a conversation. Also realize, he might share information only with certain people. It’s his story, so let him tell it and follow his lead.

Communicate Openly and In Person

Make it a rule that most communication, especially important subject matter, must happen in person. The true meaning of a message can get lost via text, email and sometimes even on the phone. Make sure you are both heard and understood by talking face to face.

Don’t Judge

You might not understand why something is important to your partner, but the fact that it is important is all that matters. Before you can trust, you must respect each other and your differences without judgment.

Become Vulnerable

Be real with your partner and that means sharing things that you often keep hidden. The ultimate sign of trust is living your truth and by doing so your partner will be more comfortable living theirs.

Be Forgiving

Trusting doesn’t mean mistakes won’t happen and when they do be forgiving. Holding on to past transgressions will only erode the trust in the relationship. We should feel the ability to make mistakes and so should our partners, without it being a constant source of contention. Letting go of the hurt, accepting the apology and moving on builds a trust based on truth and love.

Work on Your Personal Growth

We are better people and better in our relationships when we take the time to work on our personal growth. It’s important in any relationship for the people in it to grow as a couple and as individuals. It’s a focus on our personal growth that keeps the relationship solid and the trust in each other growing.

Be Supportive

It is important in any relationship to be supportive of the other person. It is even more important to show that support when we are in a stage of building trust. If one person in the relationship doesn’t feel that they can take a risk, make mistakes or try new things without support, the relationship will falter. On the other hand, being supportive in good times and bad opens us up to living our truth knowing someone has our back.

Disagree in Private

A public forum is never a place to voice a disagreement. If what your partner is saying doesn’t sit well with you, discuss it at home. Often disagreeing in front of other people can shame or humiliate the other person. This kind of behavior will damage your lines of communication and your trust factor. Waiting until you get home offers the benefit of formulating your thoughts in a respectful way to encourage an honest and open discussion.

Tips for Creating a Solid Foundation - November 2018

One of my most favorite Books is "Getting the Love you Want". This book is one of many written by these wonderful authors. I wanted to give you an excerpt to get you started. Several of our Therapists are trained in his and her methods and we would love to help you!!

"Getting the Love you want" - By Harville Hendrix and Helen Lakely Hunt

• Imago Match – Combine the best traits and the worst traits of your childhood caretakers, and you come up with a list of the qualities that you are most attracted to as an adult. In particular, your unmet needs are calling out to be met by someone who also matches your childhood caretakers’ negative traits. Wouldn’t it be easy if you could just find someone who will naturally meet those needs? Of course! However, that’s not the way that our unconscious mind works – in order for the healing to actually occur, those needs must be met by someone who shares the same difficulty with actually meeting them! It’s a potential recipe for disaster (and why so many relationships don’t work in the end). And – if you’re aware, also a potential recipe for great healing and transformation through your relationship.
• Couldn’t you just try to hack your way around it, and find someone to meet those needs directly? Isn’t that what’s at work as we’re looking for the “right” partner? We’re looking for someone who fits an ideal list of traits – and usually when we first decide we’ve found a match – ZING – they’re perfect in every way. Nearly all relationships lead to a time when suddenly you see that along with all of those positive qualities come a host of negative traits that were also there all along. So as much as we think that a hack could be possible, there seems to be no way around actually having to create a container for growth and change in your relationship – to handle the inevitable challenges that come with the easeful moments.
• Is conflict a sign of trouble in a relationship? No – in fact conflict is usually a sign of a place where you and your partner can actually grow. Your partner actually contains a “blueprint” for your own growth and healing.
• It’s easy to look to your partner to see where you might want them to change and grow… and yet the first place that you should look is within yourself. Helen LaKelly Hunt offers the example of how she might have really wanted to foster Harville’s latent emotional exuberance, she actually learned a lot and facilitated growth in her relationship by learning how to contain her energy. And this created space in her relationship with Harville for him to learn more about being expressive.
• Why is this all a good idea? Now you are able to develop parts of yourself that were probably not encouraged within you as you were growing up. Harville and Helen even suggest potentially developing the parts of yourself that you are least attracted to in your partner, as a way of pulling yourself up the growth curve and getting in touch with the parts of you that are within you, waiting for their chance to shine in a healthy way.
• So if conflict is OK – then how do you know whether or not you’re in the wrong relationship? While Helen says that essentially if the attraction is there then ANY relationship could be the material for a lifelong, growth-oriented partnership (that has the power to overcome some big things, like chemical dependency, or infidelity). That being said – if you’re in a situation where your partner literally cannot take responsibility for ANYTHING – i.e. everything is your fault – then that relationship is unlikely to succeed.
• A suggestion: If you’re in a relationship that you think is in trouble (or even if you’re in a relationship that’s ok, but you want it to grow even more) – go on a couples retreat for a holiday or birthday. In a retreat-like environment even a partner who’s not inclined to do “growth” work might see unhealthy patterns that they’ve been contributing to, or get excited for a vision of what’s possible. Many couples have shown up to these kinds of workshops thinking they were done, only to get a renewed sense of possibility and love for each other.
• Instead of trying to find the right partner, focus on BEING the right partner. Instead of trying to change your partner, focusing on growing yourself and your own capacities within the relationship. At the same time, it is helpful to energize and appreciate your partner for the things that they do well – to amplify that energy within your relationship. Otherwise too much change can lead to exits popping open for either partner – and having exits closed is an important part of having a safe container in the relationship.
• Imago Dialogue: This is a three-step process for effectively communicating. First decide who is the “sender” (the person talking) and who is the “receiver” (the person listening). The job of the person talking is to speak in an “I” statement – and to break what they’re trying to communicate down into small, digestible chunks.
• Mirroring: The first step as a receiver is to Mirror back what you’re hearing from the sender. Try not to paraphrase – use their exact words. And then ask – did I get it? And if the answer is “no” – then give the sender another shot at expressing what they need to express, and repeat this step. If the answer is “yes” then you can ask “Is there any more?”
• Validation: As the receiver, can you understand where the sender is coming from? Do their conclusions make sense to you given what they are saying about their experience? If not, you can ask questions to clarify. If so, you should say that it DOES make sense. Note that you do not have to AGREE with their view of the world – the point is simply to GET their view of the world.
• Empathy: As the receiver, can you imagine what it would feel like to be in the sender’s experience? Can you convey that to the sender as well?
• IS THERE MORE? Always take the time to give the sender the opportunity to really communicate everything that they need to communicate.
• Then, take turns. Once the sender’s meaning has been fully mirrored, validated, and understood – it is time for the sender to become the receiver and vice versa.
• Make a commitment to ZERO negativity. What does it take to simply notice all the times that you’re bringing criticism, blame, or judgment into your relationship? And once you notice that, can you shift yourself into a position of seeing yourself as the source of your experience, and taking responsibility for your part in how things are (or facilitating change) rather than pointing the finger, or expecting the other person to do the work?
• It’s not that you can’t tell the other person how you feel… but simply that you can learn to always communicate respectfully. It’s not what you say but HOW YOU SAY IT.
• Are you making time for fun? Don’t just rely on happenstance for fun to happen! Schedule fun into your calendars, so that you are guaranteeing that you’ll have good times and be infusing your relationship with positive, fun energy.
• Appreciation Practice – You could try giving your partner 3 appreciations every night before you go to sleep. How does that shift the quality of your relationship, when it becomes a regular practice?

January 2019

Emotional Intimacy is very different then Physical Intimacy

Below are some great conversation starters to get you on the path to a deeper understanding of your partner.

Questions to Build Intimacy

March 2019 - The Importance of Physical Intimacy

These are 10 benefits of physical intimacy in a relationship

1. It’s an expression of love

One of the biggest reasons why physical intimacy is important in a relationship is because this is one of the foremost ways in which partners express their love for one another. When a relationship lacks sexual chemistry and physical affection it is likely to fail.

This intimate time you spend together is romantic, thrilling, and releases oxytocin and dopamine. This hormone and neurotransmitter are responsible for feeling closer to your partner, trust, happiness , and even addiction. It’s no wonder why physical intimacy is so important in a relationship.

2. Physical intimacy reduces stress

Being physically intimacy in a relationship helps lower blood pressure and reduce stress responses in the brain. And it isn’t just sex. Studies show that other forms of physical intimacy, such as hugging or hand-holding, can trigger the release of oxytocin.

This hormone will then trigger the brain’s reward and pleasure centres, which lowers the feelings of anxiety.

One study had participants regularly engaging in intercourse for two weeks to see the effect it would have on stress and anxiety. The results revealed cell growth in the hippocampus, which is the same area of the brain that helps regulate stress.

3. Intimacy with spouse builds trust

Logically, trust is built over time when a couple gets to know one another’s true loyalty, patterns, and behavior. But in the heart, or should we say brain, trust is often triggered by the release of oxytocin.

Trust is a huge part of relationships. When two people trust one another they feel freer to be themselves, aren’t suspicious of a third-party entering the relationship, and can be more open, honest, and vulnerable with their spouse.

When two people are physically intimate, whether having sex or cuddling close on the couch, the brain releases oxytocin, a hormone which makes people more trusting and open to social interactions.

4. Improved intimacy outside the bedroom

The closer you are in the bedroom, the more connected you will feel outside of it. Being physically intimate with your spouse is one of the biggest ways you, quite literally, connect. Holding hands, cuddling, walking arm and arm, and being more physically playful are some loving expressions that come after sex.

Since intimacy raises levels of love-boosting oxytocin and vasopressin, it’s no surprise that couples who have sex regularly become more affectionate with one another in other aspects of life.

5. Physical intimacy boosts your immune system

Physical intimacy in a relationship creates benefits both mentally and physically. Being intimate with your spouse can actually have a direct effect on your immune system.

Studies show that the immune system receives a boost during sexual arousal and orgasm. Sexual health expert Yvonne K. Fulbright even going as far as saying those who are sexually active “ take fewer sick days ” than those who are not.

When you are regularly sexually active with your partner, you will raise the antibodies in your system that are responsible for fighting against viruses and germs that make you sick.

6. Physical intimacy raises morale

Research abounds revealing how sex can boosts morale. One study even puts a monetary value on it, suggesting that couples who have sex once a week gain a bigger morale boost than they would if they earned an additional $50,000 a year.

Because physical intimacy in a relationship boosts dopamine, it makes you feel happier. Orgasm aside, one Swedish study suggests that it is actually the affection that comes before and after sex that offers the boost in morale.

7. It promotes chemistry

Being physically intimate means not only having intercourse with one another but also sharing personal moments of closeness. These can range from a sweet caress, a lingering kiss the lips, or suggestive proximity. This behavior promotes chemistry and sexual anticipation. This expectation brings excitement to the relationship and makes couples feel more connected.

8. Health benefits

There are many health benefits that come from being physically intimate with your partner. For example, having sex regularly can lower a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer.

Being physically intimate without sex also has its benefits. Many studies reveal that couples sleep better and feel closer to one another when they cuddle their way to sleep. Oxytocin released by physical touching and sex can also relieve pain and headaches, help you decompress, and reduce a man’s risk of dying of a heart attack by half!

9. Makes you look and feel younger

There may be a correlation between a physically intimate relationship and how young you look. The estrogen and testosterone released during sex may be giving your body a young, healthy glow.

A study done by the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland had participants try and guess the age of older couples. The couples who had sex four or more times a week were perceived as being anywhere from 7-12 years younger than they actually were.

10. Increases relationship satisfaction

Touch is a strong sensation both physically and emotionally. It brings up feelings of safety, comfort, love, playfulness, titillation, and more. Couples who are physically intimate report a higher rate of relationship satisfaction. When partners engage one another with physical touching, sexual or otherwise, it makes them feel cared about.

Conclusion

How important is physical intimacy in a relationship? Very. Physical intimacy in a relationship means more than being sexually active. It means being emotionally connected. Having a deep connection to your spouse on this level helps build trust, boosts morale, and has many health benefits.

May 2019

Boundaries are so important in relationships. They let us know expectations and rules of engagement that are safe for all parties. Setting Clear Boundaries takes confidence and commitment. Please read the following to see how important Boundaries are in relationships.

A Checklist on Boundaries in a Relationship

When you give up your boundaries in a relationship you:

• Are unclear about your preferences.
• Do not notice unhappiness since enduring is your concern.
• Alter your behavior, plans, or opinions to fit the current moods or circumstances of another (live reactively.)
• Do more and more for less and less.
• Take as truth the most recent opinion you’ve heard.
• Live hopefully, while wishing and waiting.
• Are satisfied if you are coping and surviving.
• Let the other’s minimal improvement maintain your stalemate.
• Have few hobbies because you have no attentions pan for self-directed activity.
• Make exceptions for a person for thing you would not tolerate in anyone else; accept alibis.
• Are manipulated by flattery so that you lose objectivity.
• Try to create intimacy with a narcissist.
• Are so strongly affected by another that obsession results
• Will forsake every personal limit to get sex or the promise of it.
• See your partner as causing your excitement.
• Feel hurt and victimized, but not angry.
• Act out of compliance and compromise.
• Do favors that you inwardly resist (cannot say no)
• -Disregard intuition in favor of wishes.
• Allow our partner to abuse your children or friends.
• Mostly feel afraid and confused.
• Are enmeshed in a drama that is beyond your control.
• Are living a life that is not yours and that seems unalterable.
• Commit yourself for as long as the other needs you to be committed (no bottom line)
• Believe you have no right to secrets.

When your boundaries are intact in a relationship you:

• Have clear preferences and act upon them.
• Recognize when you are happy/ unhappy.
• Acknowledge moods and circumstances around you while remaining centered (live actively)
• Do more when that gets results.
• Trust your own intuition while being open to other’s opinions.
• Live optimistically while co-working on change.
• Are only satisfied if you are thriving.
• Are encouraged by sincere, ongoing change for the better.
• Have excited interest in self enhancing hobbies and projects.
• Have a personal standard, albeit flexible, that applies to everyone and asks for accountability.
• Appreciate feedback and can distinguish it from attempts to manipulate.
• Relate only to partners with whom mutual love is possible.
• Are strongly affected by your partner’s behavior and take it as information.
• Integrate sex so that you can enjoy it but never at the cost of your integrity.
• See your partner as stimulating your excitement.
• Let yourself feel anger, say “ouch” and embark on a program of change.
• Act out of agreement and negotiation.
• Only do favors that you choose to do (you can say no)
• Honor intuitions and distinguish them from wishes.
• Insist others’ boundaries be as safe as your own.
• Mostly feel secure and clear.
• Are always aware of choices.
• Are living a life that mostly approximates what you’ve always wanted for yourself.
• Decide how, to what extend, and how long you will be committed.
• Protect your private matters without having to lie or be surreptitious.
  
  ~David Richo, The California Therapist- July/ August 1990
  
  
• Holiday Help!!- November 2019
• November 2019- Holiday Help!!

Ten Ways to Keep Family Members From Ruining Your Holidays

Copyright © 2014 Joe Navarro.